Felicia The Dirt-Brained
by NathanEryk
Summary: A short Fan-Canon about the exploits of the Dark Souls 2 NPC 'Felicia The Brave', arguable the dullest summon-able NPc's in the game. Story contains attempts at humor and maybe even romance...Rated T for the bit with the mushrooms in Chapter 2...as I said attempts at romance.
1. Felicia The Dull

Author's note: If you don't know who Felicia is I suggest going to the Shrine of Amana or watching a play-through of the area by someone else.

I suggest 'EpicNameBro', he worked on the strategy guide for the Dark souls 2 as well as being quite a good player.

* * *

Felicia enjoyed the singing, It soothed her the same way it would a child for she was a child at her heart...and unfortunately her mind also. She had long ago settled down by the Shrine of Amana as much as a wandering undead could settle down.

She had failed to think about how the adversaries of the area were Casters of Missile magics and she was solely Melee oriented, She had also failed to take this into account when faced by fungus creatures whose retched spores corroded those within close proximity. Never the less, this is where she offered her services to others, placing her soapstone on the ground, proudly presenting her self awarded title...

Felicia The Brave.

Thanks to her limited vocabulary this was what she considered Good.

When she was not listening to the Milfanito's song she was either attempting to venture deeper into the shrine in order to find the demon that dwelt there or assisting others in their conquest, But she did not seek to defeat the creature but instead be comforted by its voice, This is of course because she had a very loose grasp of art of deception and felt no unease at the fact the creatures title was 'Demon of Song', ignoring the first half and focusing on the second, for surely anything with a title that ends with '-of song' would certainly sate her hunger for sweet tunes.

She had yet to reach the demon, Thanks to the nature of the ground she would usually drown whilst trying to reach the Clerics all the while being pelted by their missiles, even when she did reach the castors the reptile undead would become agitated and attack her from behind.

When she was summoned to another's world she would try to follow them along the safe ground, which they could see through the dark waters thanks to their torch and which she could not because she never bothered to light her torch. When she saw an enemy she would rush ahead either drowning, dying to the missiles or other times to the corroding aura of the fungi.

When she returned to her own world she would always forget the route her ally had taken and the strategy the had used for each differing type of enemy

But she held strong and continued to answer summons when she was called upon and attempting to help her fellow wanderers as much as an enthusiastic piece of armor with legs can.

Her motivation in her un-life was unlike many others but still just as arbitrary as some, she wished to hear every melody the ruined world had to offer. It was a simple want but it was impossible enough to prevent the Hollowing process from completely taking her.

Though she died often she was fortunately able to use Human effigies, even if it had involved her trying to eat a few before she realized how to use them, realization was a rare thing for Felicia and so she was quite proud whenever she learned a new way to make her living death easier.

Enough Fan-canon, on with the story.

* * *

Shrine of Amana

Felicia sat as close to the Milfanito's dwelling as she could without interrupting her song. Though her summon sign was further down the path this is where she spent her time, waiting for those she could help help her reach the Demon of Song.

The last person to employ her help had been a man carrying a a great sword and Drangleic shield, she could not tell what armor he wore since she never took the time to read the labels that all the objects in Drangleic had, reading hurt her head to much.

The man had summoned her while one of the Archdrake warriors was beating at his shield, Felicia span in a circle once, twice, thrice times before she remembered how to walk and moved to assist her fellow.

Once the enemy was felled her fellow undead looked at her with apprehension.

He left the dwelling and was immediately assaulted by missile spells, Felicia close behind. She noticed the sorcerers further up the path and moved all jittery like as she tried to get past her fellow and at the enemy, fortunately for her the Great-sword wielder had already killed many of the reptile undead and so while she was struggling to get past him their would be no unpleasant surprises.

The man rolled out of the way of a projectile, allowing it to hit her directly in her chest, she ignored the pain and seized the chance to dash past her ally and run at the nearest sorcerer, I am using the terms 'dash' and 'run' as loosely as possible since Felicia found that the only way her clumsy form was useful was as a brute force and so wore very heavy armors.

She ran at the priestesses only to find that a deep trench in the water blocked her path, she gave up almost instantly and returned to her ally who was stood on a piece of un-submerged path and had switched to a crossbow, which he may or may not have been sufficiently dexterous to use.

She stood there in awe with her back to the enemy as she watched her ally use strategy, something she had never before thought to use herself.

The undead she was 'helping' did not seem very familiar with the crossbow and so missed quite often. She turned quickly and resumed attempting to reach the priestesses, this time she was thwarted by a reptile undead who was suppressed beneath the waters surface by the 'Little ones' as the Milfanito called them.

It pounced upon her and clutched at her body with its clawed paws, hardly injuring her but making her flinch away before she stabbed her lance into the creatures hunched back from above and then again, watching the creature dissolve into death, knowing all to well it would return once she was finished in this world.

She turned around just in time to see her ally roll off of the safe path and into a trench beneath the water, once she had heard his groan that signaled his death she felt herself being tugged at by her own world, calling her back, but not before one last missile struck her in the back to add injury to insult.

* * *

Sometime Later

After venting her anger on some of the reptilian undead, one fungus and many boxes. Felicia remembered when she had just settled near the shrine for the first time, she would regularly check on her summon sign, It was still there as it always was, she kept forgetting that for some reason it was permanent whereas when she had been summoned before there had sometimes been other phantoms who summon signs were temporary.

Perhaps it was because she remained near her Summon sign or perhaps it was something else, she had little in the way of intelligence and so could only form vague theories as to why this was so. This coupled with the fact that like the Milfanito she had little knowledge of the world beyond the Shrine thanks to her degrading memory.

She sat on the stairs leading down to the hut and listened to the Milfanito's Smooth & Silky voice as she eased her grip on her lance and shield and leaned against the outer wall of the stairwell, the little ones dancing across her armor.

The Archdrake below had just noticed her when she felt a tugging sensation at the center of her being. She allowed the darkness and fog to envelope her, instinctively gripping onto her lance and shield as she now stood on top of her summon sign, a grey/white aura clinging to her form.

She looked around the interior of the building and saw nothing but the cadaver of a fallen Archdrake. The one who summoned her must still be near by since she had almost instantly answered the call.

She span in a circle only once and then managed to path her way out the door to find a figure who would have blended into the murky shallows if not for the Drangleic insignia on the shield on their back and the glint of their rapier's blade.

They blended in so well since they were wearing the tattered cloak and hood that Felicia had found herself wearing when she woke up back near the entrance to the land.

As Felicia ran up behind the figure, making quite the ruckus, they turned to look at her.

The undead had once been a man but like many others they were only undead now, gender no longer mattered to these damned beings for the most part. The Rapier wielder had very pale skin, possibly because they had decided to wear the same hood as when they started their journey.

Compared to Felicia's last ally, even though they carried the same shield, this one had lighter armor and wielded a rapier and a dagger. Felicia was not smart enough to think of this but another difference was that this undead had already defeated the sorcerers from range but left the reptilian undead un-agitated.

The undead moved on, giving nothing resembling a greeting as Felicia was used to. He walked past the first reptile undead without a second thought, Felicia quickly engaged it as to save him from a surprise attack but unknown to her the undead had purposefully left the enemy unmolested, knowing that Felicia would do a good enough job of that.

After all, she did have a reputation among the undead who traversed the shrine regularly, in search of Twinkling Titanite, for being brash and quick to target any and all adversaries.

When she had dealt with the reptile undead she was surprised to see that her ally had already defeated the next one just as quickly, having now equipped his shield in his left and his rapier in his right.

He then once again deftly changed weapons so that now he held a bow in his oh so dexterous hands. Felicia followed after him and watched as he took up the same position as the crossbow wielder had.

She did as she had before, since she hardly ever learned, and went to engage the reptile undead in the shallows ahead, all the while being pelted by missile magics. She finished her foe and turned at the sound of strained wood and twining to see her fellow undead loosing arrows at the nearest of the castors. The sorcerer fell within a handful of arrows but that did not prevent their missiles from striking Felicia in the back as a farewell.

The bow wielding undead looked at her with confusion and worry, contemplating If she had somehow lost her mind without going hollow. A second missile to the back finally reminded her that there were other enemies to be had at. Her ally dispatched the second sorcerer and then loosed a single arrow at both Archdrake warriors standing guard over the third.

They made their way through the shallows, knowing well the lay of the land, and the first one that reached Felicia caught her in the side since she stood in awe at how her ally's hands held the bow and used it with such accuracy, Even though she had been hit it was only when her ally switched to his dagger and rapier that she turned around to see that the second Archdrake warrior had him in their sights.

She dispatched of the one that had chosen to attack her with five or so thrusts of her lance and saw a similar result for her ally though he wielded two weapons. She then ran past her fellow undead, disregarding her own safety and attacked the remaining sorcerer, killing her before the rapier wielding undead caught up.

He stopped in front of her and simply looked at her, she looked back at him also. He had employed her assistance before, and knew fully well how much of a simpleton she was, Despite this her stupidity still managed to amaze him, though her strength amazed him more.

There was little in the way of entertainment for an undead, so they clutched to what ever respite from the serious nature of their situation.

He put on his head the helm of one of their fallen enemies. Felicia watched as he equipped the Archdrake pole-arm also and took a couple of playful swings at her, all the blows hit her on her shield and even if they hadn't they would not have done any harm

She chuckled, the way that all undead do, at the play fighting.

She then pulled back her lance as if to take a stab at him, to which the undead before her quickly shook his hand in front of him whilst taking the helm off, signalling that even if she could cause him no harm he did not wish to be hit by her.

She followed him over to the fog gate and watched him open it by thrusting his hand into it. Felicia had made it to the gate many times with other allies but only sometimes had she made it through, the problem being that her one strength, her durability, was negated by the Fungi creatures' spores.

Before she ran ahead to attack the first of the creatures as she usually would, movement from her companion out of the corner of her eye caught her attention

* * *

Author's note: I wonder how many times I have used the word undead in this story. Don't try counting, I am sure you have better things to do like review this piece of fan-canon as honestly and harshly as humanly possible.

I must say I did enjoy writing this first chapter. The reason I left it on a cliff hanger is not to make people read the next one but instead to make sure I finish the story.

Hope you liked it, if not sorry for wasting your time.

Continue on your way-

-NathanEryk


	2. Felicia The Dim

Felicia's companion, like her, had traveled this path before with the same amount of success. Where she struggled to even reach the fog gate it was here where he was his weakest.

However, unlike his prior attempts he was now no longer ignorant of the fungi's hidden weapon which he had willingly allowed to wash over him with out a second thought on prior incursions.

_How was he supposed to know in the first place? _

He asked this question a lot on his travels, as if the someone who had set him on this trek was listening, perhaps they were, he no longer remembered whether he came here for himself or for someone else.

As Felicia watched, Her ally pulled off his grieves to reveal that he was wearing the pair of tattered gloves from Things Betwixt. His marble colored fingers protruding from the ends of the _damp _colored gloves. He did the same to his armored tunic and lo and behold a tattered cowl and jacket was revealed.

Now as he removed his leggings, He remembered how he had come across the pyromancer Rosabeth, an unfortunate apprentice of Carhillion who came across a basilisk in her travels.

She had upon awakening from her petrifaction, and after coughing harder than the merchant hag Melentia, asked him for some clothes.

Being an undead who he hoped had been a courteous man he left to her a fine tunic he had no use for and, for lack of a better choice, his tattered leggings that just shouted '_Half Hollow pleb over here__' _to any and all that saw them.

None of this but the lack of leggings was evident to Felicia as he now stood there, head to waist in rags and with nothing but an aged stout blade to arm his nimble fingers.

Felicia was surprised by how stark white and bald the mans legs were, like thick bones or giant pieces of soapstone. She was oddly infatuated by his complexion, thinking he looked like he might very well glow in the night and imagined him as being able to reflect beams of light in the day.

Besides this, as Felicia studied the undead she had one of her rare moments of clarity and formed something in her mind that she wasn't used to having there...

...An Idea.

For but an instant she put two and two together and understood, to her shock, what her companion was doing.

Now, not only did she realize that he was using strategy but she had made a decision to employ the same tactic. As off the wall and foreign the concept was to her she had made up her mind.

Before her ally went on with out her she began to remove her armor. Unlike her ally it took her more than mere moments to use her fumbling fingers to undo the fastenings and buckles on her grieves alone. She had in her haste discarded her lance and shield thus gathering her ally's attention.

He turned to look at her with confusion plastered across his obscured face.

As he furrowed his brow she had finally removed her grieves and ran her fingers across her own knuckles. She could not remember anything other than wearing the damned heavy things but now she was rid of them she could already move her arms faster. She bet she could also roll better though it wouldn't do her any good since she simply rolled into the enemies anyway.

Her companion continued to watch. He now understanding what she was doing but confused by why she was doing it. Felicia had copied him and others ever since she placed her summon sign but she had never seen this strategy since many undead would fight the fungi from range while she was being corroded and butted against by them.

Her companion had simply wanted to conserve arrows since he thought them to expensive but he had now set something motion that which had not been so for a long time...

...Felicia's mind.

Though she was now thinking she still lacked the cognitive prowess to understand that this was a bad idea. She had long ago realized her strength was her one strength...but now that was forgotten by her and her ally.

She had since removing her grieves become slightly more nimble fingered. They were still stiff from constantly gripped her equipment and she really needed to rub them for a day or two. She took off her helm.

Her companion had forgotten the fungal creatures, rummaging through the soil looking for a suitable place to take root, and was now quite engrossed in her and her movements.

He could not tell what color her hair was thanks to her grey aura but he could tell it was perhaps coerce and frizzy. He could definitely tell it was quite short, most likely because she wore a helm.

There was more rustling and odd squeaking noises from the plants.

He looked down the tunnel longingly, at the area that lay beyond, growing tired of Felicia's queer actions. Though his priorities changed quickly when he heard a hefty piece of armor dent the ground behind him.

He turned, fearing for his purity, to find Felicia in but her leggings, an undershirt, and some leather padding around her sides and shoulders.

He wondered whether she understood the implications of what she was doing. His cheeks turned the slightest shade of pink since he was so pale. Even though she still wore her leggings and leather padding the whole situation was quite unnerving for him.

He could not bring himself to ask her to put her armor back on, after all it would take to long. She picked up her lance and shield once more and struck a defensive pose while looking quite menacing, and beautiful, in that way women do when they are determined and dangerous.

Her ally turned towards the fungus and raised his stubby weapon slightly, looking not nearly as menacing in his rags. He rolled into the nearest creature and gave it some pokes, then rolled away again as a cloud of spores latched onto his body.

Felicia came forward and skewered the fumbling plant with her lance, forcing her weapon into its body with a jumping thrust, causing the tip to come out the other side and poke the next fungi.

Her fellow undead briskly walked ahead, dealing few but crucial strikes to the fungus as it would allow Felicia to dispatch them in fewer strikes herself, effectively reducing the time she had to spend with her gear being corroded. His gear being far less valuable.

Now as they advanced up the turn in the tunnel Felicia's companion lit the bonfire nearby instead of going after the enemies. Felicia went ahead and began her assault while her companion came up behind her. Spores were thrown into the air and through them Felicia saw the looming form of one of the larger Fungus.

Her companion noticed this also. He had been so happy to find the bonfire he was quite surprised there were enemies so nearby, though this should not have surprised him at all since this was common across the land.

He observed the creature. The _mandibles _at the base of its body were facing Felicia, the only thing preventing it from having at her being its smaller brethren. The undead pondered whether this opponent was worthy of his last few arrows.

He saw that as Felicia hit the creature, it was damaged very little. He made up his mind and loosed at the fungi until it keeled over, the pores in its body feverishly expelling spores in the hope that they would germinate and grow.

With the last of the adversaries downed Felicia turned to see her ally fully clothed again. She looked down at her self feeling quite under dress ed by comparison. Thanks to embarrassment more than common sense she too reequipped her armor and noticed how constricting it was.

Her fellow undead looked at the bonfire longingly. Wishing to be embraced by its warmth as he returned to Majula and safety. He then looked at Felicia, rolling her shoulders back and forth trying to make herself comfortable in her armor.

He looked at her with a different longing. He knew that if he left she would be lost. He decided to try and get as far as he could with her, maybe even all the way.

The two undead moved out of the narrow cave. Still holding his bow he spotted along its edge first one then another projectile casting priestess. He dispatched of one with his bow, again, not before a few projectiles hit both him and Felicia. He had now exhausted his ability to attack from range.

He juggled the two options of wielding shield or dagger with his rapier. He decided on the earlier and took to a gentle, measured, run.

Within the circle of ruined stones, which the maiden stood inside, the ground seemed to be plentiful as there were bodies and _goodies_ as well as _baddies_ strewn about the area. The undead rushed and dispatched of the priestess.

He Turned in time to see Felicia end a reptile undead wallowing under the waters surface. She turned on the third shrine maiden who had been obscured by the remnants of a stone corridor. Felicia was now picking up the slack of her ally like a good summon does...amazing.

He stepped forward cautiously in order to claim his prizes and face his other foes when he felt an draining feeling wash over him. It was much like losing your stomach but instead your entire body.

Felicia's new found competence would be put to the test immediately it seemed as Felicia felt the aura around her body flux as someone entered her ally's plain of existence.

A red mist rose and pushed through the shallow waters in the center of the columns.

Neither Felicia nor her fellow could tell what was so peculiar about Kindular by his appearance alone as his dark aura made it hard to distinguish details...

...Except for what may have been a gourmet chef's hat.

Kindular skipped any form of pleasantries and raised his staff. He attempted to strafe around the rapier wielder. He was not allowed this advantage as his target matched him step for step gradually closing the gap.

The beacon of dark at Kindular's staff tip shot forward. It expanded and fluxed into a sizable ball as it flew over its target.

His victim to be flexed his arms so that a rapier was in his left hand a dagger in his right.

The adversaries circled each other. Kindular shot, his target rolled, Kindular rolled to avoid thrusts, his target rolled to avoid hexes and so on.

It became apparent as the world master landed three quick hits with his dagger that Kindular was outmatched. Kindular retreated and unleashed as many dark magics as he could before his prey turned predator closed in.

Kindular was against a column and dared not move lest he be stabbed in the process. The same went for casting as in the split second he did so his enemy would deal him a severe blow.

The undead moved backwards and away from Kindular before taking a bow. He then repeatedly raised and dropped his shield effectively taunting his foe. Kindular stepped away from the brink of the circle and stood still for a moment.

He had sadly never learned to bow. Much like Felicia he had difficulty learning new things and simply couldn't put his finger on how to perform the move. The only way he thought it possible was if he met someone on his travels that knew gesture. Preferably not someone he had tried to kill.

He raised his staff and his enemy dualiest raised their shield. The duel was unfair as Kindular had taken more damage but nevertheless the sentiment was monumental that this undead he had indiscriminately chosen to murder had given him a chance to fight him _mano e mano._

Kindular was also touched that his target's phantom had refrained from taking advantage of his fight with her fello-

...

Kindular's back arched as the lances momentum drove his body forward suddenly. Both he and his enemy looked down at his pierced middle. Even though he sort of deserved it for invading someone he could not help but feel cheated.

The lance did not retreat and instead stayed where it was. Its owner waiting patiently for the peculiar invader's body to vanish.

Felicia looked at her summoner. She was no doubt proud she had for the first time succeeded in backstabbing anything but her friends.

Though her current ally was slightly ticked off at the lack of a duel he was happy to feel Kindular's souls graze his form.

* * *

**Author's note: I didn't know how to fill the gap between the mushrooms and the boss without it becoming monotonous combat. That was until I came across Peculiar Kindular...**

**I will hopefully finish this in chapter 3 or if not in a very puny chapter 4. **

**Continue on your way**

**-NathanEryk**


End file.
